George

Me
Mom
Dad

It was an early morning for me. I had to wake up at 9:30. After I hit snooze a few times, I figured I better get up before I’m late to my lunch date with granny. Half asleep I sauntered into the bathroom, turned on the light, noticed the towel I used the day before had fallen on the floor and screamed! There was a spider the size of Tobby staring at me with all of its eyes. My heart was pounding; I was trying to think who I could call to come kill it for me. Neighbors, no they’re at work, Jeremy, at work, Tobby, sleeping, anybody, no. It was just me and the spider.
Then it moved! I screamed again. I decided to call mom, she’ll know what to do, after all, she’s had experience with this problem before.

::dials mom::
::rings::
Hello?
Mom, does 911 come out and kill spiders?
(sigh of relief that the 911 wasn’t for an emergency) ::chuckles:: No, but I’ll put your father on.
Hello?
Dad, does 911 come out and kill spiders?
::chuckles:: Where is it?
In my bathroom on the floor next to my towel.
Is your towel wet?
No, it fell on the floor last night.
Ok, well go get a shoe.
A shoe? Let me find one that I can use.
Wait, better idea. Go upstairs and get the metal spatula that’s next to the garage.
Ok ::walks up stairs; picks up spatula:: Uh, dad, this isn’t going to work the handle is too short.
Hmmm….I know, go down by the cast iron and get the wooden spoon with the 3 foot long handle.
Yes, that will work. ::walks back down stairs and picks up spoon:: I got it.
Now, you have to sneak up on it. (trying not to laugh)
Got it ::walks across hallway on tip toes; peeks head into bathroom:: I don’t see him. Psssttt….you who….Mr. Spider….GEORGE!
::laughs really hard:: George???
Well he wasn’t coming out to you who. I know how to get him. ::picks up half full water bottle; throws at towel, spider runs out:: ::SCREAMS loud and whack, whack, whack, whack::
::if possible, I’d be rolling on the floor laughing:: Do you have a hole in your wall?
No, it was on the floor, but I think I got it. ::starts laughing::
Here’s your mother.
Did you hear that?
::laughing hysterically:: I think the whole state of Kentucky heard it!
Well, I got it, tell dad thanks for the help and I’ll call you later.

Ultimately, I decided not to crawl over the giant dead spider body to shower…I smelled good enough for another day.